… … …
No matter what happens, I seem to come back around to sitting in living rooms watching The I.T Crowd. Laughing loudly, sometimes with a bit of alcohol, most times with just myself. Usually, Urijah sleeps soundly in another room. This happens year after year, this same situation rounding me and keeping me from snapping in two.
Things have been interesting. Not good, not bad, but interesting. I had to let go of a couple more people – some I was fond of – and I feel a bit more narrow. It’s starting to look at bit like permanent isolation, me thinks.
I was moving back to ATL. Had everything planned, even let my rental office know I wouldn’t be renewing the lease on this lovely house. I packed my things, even. And then I got rejected for a house. And then another in the same day, for the same reason. Apparently, back when I was broke and had to fake my pay stubs, I was more attractive to home owners. With my successful business and my steady clients and all this honest good work, nope. I have ‘unstable income’. I’ve been told that it’s because people don’t know whether or not to trust someone who is self-employed. Which means that this move is going to be an uphill battle.
It’s just fodder for nights like this. It’s just a reason for me to keep my large cash flow and steady growing savings to myself. It’s just an excuse to say fuck it and stay where I am. I’ll sit here and watch I.T Crowd. I’ll drink tea and watch Ouran, High School Host Club. I’ll daydream and drink coffee and sift into the night until I feel better.
I appreciate the sinking feeling. Falling back to Earth is a blessing.
I’ll live. But I’ll think twice about the whole honesty thing.